Spoiled Milk

Yesterday when I picked up my one-year old foster son from daycare. He saw his cup of milk from the morning sitting on the seat and he wanted it. He reached for it and when I didn't give it he started crying. He surely thought I was witholding something good from him -- he loves milk and milk is good. I told him it was spoiled milk and would make him sick. And he would thank me later. He did not understand what I was saying and continued crying, complete with tears. It seems sort of heartless when you look from his point of view. From mine, I'm protecting him, as is my job as his mom.

After this interaction I immediately recognized a similarity. I had just been crying to God that he hadn't answered some prayers that I had been praying. Prayers for good things and yet, He hadn't answered. I felt a pang of conviction. As if He were saying, "Katie, those things are good at the right place and time, but for you, now, they are spoiled milk." And most of the time I cry and wonder why and honestly, sometimes it is really hard to get past that.

Isaiah 55:8-9

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts."

We know that God doesn't always show us the why. We might never see why He didn't answer good and important prayers, but we know that ultimately His goal for us is Christlikeness. Most, if not all, of the time, we are refined more deeply through struggle. Through having to trust Him with no other option. Because we know that despite our feelings of frustration, we cannot 'figure Him out'. He is beyond our comprehension. What we do know is that He is good. That He knows how to give good gifts to us. He has and He will continue to bless us so much more than we deserve.

The Fan Club

One thing about Fostering: you make a lot of friends through the process. Not, lets hang out and watch the soccer game while baking and eating pizza... (Isn't that what everyone does?) They are more the kind that are thrown into a friendship because of an outside force. That would be baby. He definitely is a charmer and is beginning to know it and take advantage.
The case workers, the therapists, the nurses, nurse practitioner and doctor, the Ad Litem, the staff at the office where visits are held. The daycare staff. They all are friends.
I realized this yesterday when at our scheduled vaccinations, the Nurse Practitioner said she is leaving the pediatrics office. I almost cried. Seriously. Since when did I become such an emotional person?! She has known us since week one. She has graciously reassured me, answered a million questions and loved this little guy.
I think in foster care, you are the fan club president for the kids that are placed in your home. You adore them, you fight for them, you kiss them and hold them. You hope for them, you pray for them, you cry for them. You are their biggest fans. And It kind of seems like all of these support staff are a part of the fan club too, they'll happily answer questions, reply to your extra-long emails. They love this child too. They will be almost as excited by the milestones, the smiles, the slobbery kisses. And that's a beautiful part of this experience.
So if you're in this club, or another one, know that your support means a thousand times more than we can express. 

(P. S. this post is from June, but as I went back and read it today, it is still true, so I am sharing it with you all!)